take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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