um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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