she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
