Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Your cock deserves a montage
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
