i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize