Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
