Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
