oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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