When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
