Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
