and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he thought i was a dude.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
