Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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