Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
