So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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