when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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