First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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