I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize