In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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