here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
