sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
