i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
