When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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