I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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