eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize