Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
