he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
