Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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