I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
