Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
