It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
