Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
