dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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