I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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