Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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