I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
