I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just had sex on a roof
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
