I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
