It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
