I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize