The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
