my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
