I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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