Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
