Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
