What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
