If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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