My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
