I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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