i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize