So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
