I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
