we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
People in love make me want to vomit
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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