i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
