he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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