glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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