In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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