you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Who died my cat blue again?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
