I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
