I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
