the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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