we're chasing vodka with high fives
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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