have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
