"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
