dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
