the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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