the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
