Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
