Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
