ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
