TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
